PG, m/m
Cade Foster's Private Journal: All About Eddie
By Tiriel
I really can't explain or understand it, but these last 24 hours have been so strange. Lately there have been some weird moments between Eddie and me. I mean, I've somehow become attracted to him, I know that, mainly because I've almost found myself acting on it a couple of times, but what I don't know is how or why or even when.
So he's going to this reunion thing, and suddenly I've turned into the mother hen I always accuse him of being. Mother hen with a healthy dose of jealous husband thrown in, and where the hell did that come from is what I'd like to know. I offered to go along, or drive him, but he wouldn't let me.
I tried to keep myself entertained while he was gone, did a little reading, but mostly I was waiting for the phone to ring. I was restless, edgy. I was worried sick. The first phone call, he had me do something with the computer and then he hung up on me without an explanation. That pissed me off.
The second phone call had me frantic. He'd never even told me his real name, and he was in danger and he wouldn't listen to me, and then he hung up on me again. I grabbed a shirt, ran to the car, and took off to help, but the Caddy died on me halfway. So I called to let him know, tried to convince him to hide, tried to tell him how important he is to me, but he still wouldn't listen. And again he hung up. Then he stopped answering the phone.
I felt like I was losing my mind. I kept flashing back on what I saw in that Gua machine with Harl, that image of Eddie, dead. My worst fear. When I pushed that picture aside, the only one that took its place was one of him slow-dancing with some old girlfriend, a great big glowing smile on his face. I didn't like that one much, either.
The Caddy finally started, and I drove to the school like I had a whole city police force on my tail. And when I finally get there, he's fine.
"I dealt with it," he said, and wouldn't tell me the whole story, at least not right away. I blew up. I took my hand off of his shoulder, where it had pretty much been living since I found him, and I yelled at him.
Something like, "You hung up on me, you stayed in a dangerous situation when I told you to get out, and you didn't listen to a thing I said! And now you say the whole story can wait?"
He looked at me and smiled and said "Welcome to my world, buddy. Welcome to my world."
I stopped, my mouth still open, because as usual he was right. So even though I'll probably get caught up in the chase and do the same stuff to him again next time, I have some better idea of what it's like to be the one who stays in the trailer. Now all I need to figure out is what's going on in my own head.
Eddie's posting the journal this time instead of me, so I thought I'd do one for just me for a change, see if I could put some stuff together. It's not really helping.
I told him today that I need him. I know that I want him. And a few weeks back I told him how much I trust him. I was terrified he'd be hurt or even dead by the time I found him. And I was jealous of an old girlfriend I wasn't even sure existed. That Marianne he mentioned, maybe. Need, want, trust, worry, jealousy. I'm feeling a combination of things that I haven't felt in a long time and there is only one way to describe it. I've known all along, I just haven't really seen it, really seen him, until now. So now the only question left is what to do about it.
-Cade