PG, m/m
Crazy Eddie's Private Journals: Playland
By Tiriel
I'd better repent my sins and quick, because I now know what it is to live in Hell. Hell is being forced to hang around in an amusement park full of children, not knowing if Cade Foster is alive or dead.
I hate children. I hate amusement parks. I hate it when Foster's out of touch like that. I hate standing around with nothing to do. And after finding the portal, telling him how to find his way back, and my standard "be careful" speech, I had nothing to do but stand around and smell the popcorn.
It felt like I was waiting around that place for years. Surrounded by demonic little munchkins completely out of control. Don't parents take any responsibility these days? I'm surprised I managed to stay there without losing it completely. No, actually, I'm not surprised. I was waiting for Foster. But that doesn't mean I didn't entertain fantasies about putting leashes on those kids and chaining them all like a pack of dogs to a ride far away from War Zone.
Sure it's hard when he calls and hangs up on me, when he ignores my warnings to get out, when I know what kind of terrible danger he's in. But it's even worse when I have no idea. He could have died in there and I would have had no way of knowing. That's the kind of thought that kills me. But he didn't, although he might've gotten himself in serious trouble there at the end if I hadn't held him back. He wants to save everyone, even when it just isn't possible. I love that in him, and at the same time it drives me crazy.
Ah, yes, there's the whole love topic again. I haven't had a chance to write since before I went to my high school reunion. That was a very enlightening experience, let me tell you. Some of what he said and did can be chalked up to simple friendly concern, but when I took time to think about it, a couple of things were clear to me.
First he tells me he trusts me, now he says he needs me. That's a step in the right direction. And having the tables turned, having him sit in the trailer and worry while I hung up on him was a lot of fun. But that's not the important thing, the kicker, the thing that's probably going to keep me awake tonight. What is this icing on the cake of that very cool day? The fact that he was utterly and undeniably jealous.
Back when I first mentioned Marianne, he made a joke about being jealous. This time, he actually was. He was every bit as interested in getting the details on Marianne as he was in hearing about the aliens I kicked to the curb. I half-wished he'd drive up as I was kissing her goodbye.
If I'd figured that out the day of the reunion, that he was jealous, that day when I was still riding that high of adrenaline from being the one in charge, well, I might've had the balls to call him on it. But I didn't really take the time to sort it all out until I had nothing better to do than stand around that goddamn amusement park, in South Dakota of all places, and wait, hoping the security people wouldn't decide I was a pedophile scoping out the territory and give me the boot. As if. The only body I want is Cade Foster's, and he may be younger than me, but he's plenty old enough.
So he's back, my ears are recovering from hours and hours of being surrounded by those fucking kids, and I've just added one whopper of a piece of data to my "does Cade dig me" file. He trusts me, he needs me, he was jealous of Marianne, and we've almost kissed--twice, if you count that little post-nightmare episode of his.
I can't take much more of this, but rather than giving up like I've meant to so many times before, I'm going to do something about it. Next opportunity, I'm going to make my move. I just need to gather up some guts and do it.
-More later, Eddie