NC-17, m/m, angst, sap
Crazy Eddie's Private Journals: Susperience
By Tiriel
I feel like I'm riding a rollercoaster. For a while there, he was edgy and unhappy, so I was, too. Now he's happier, more hopeful, and so am I. It's ridiculous how much a little thing like being in the same city as he is or seeing him smile can bring me up.
I'm supposed to be the paranoid genius in this equation. Perpetually cynical and grouchy and when things turn out badly I'm supposed to say "I told you so" and file it all away as further proof of my intellectual superiority. But instead, when I'm not telling Cade the findings of my latest research or arguing quatrain meanings, I find my vocabulary reduced to phrases like "be careful." That's all I care about these days--making sure that he's safe. I'm probably going to need a refill on my ulcer medication before long at this rate. Love sucks.
I don't believe I just used that word. Where the hell did that come from? I've never even thought that before, not even in my hottest masturbatory fantasy. I don't love him. I just want his body. And as for that fantasy, it's the one where he comes back from a dangerous situation alive and well thanks to me, and when he steps through the door, he hugs me. Then he says, "Eddie, you've saved my ass again. Thank you. I owe you so much. Is there anything I can do to repay you?"
And I pull my head back and shift my body so he can feel how hard I am. And he kisses me and we're tearing off our clothes and he says, "Take me, Eddie," so I do. But it's not like that fantasy I had about Vernon, where it was all domination and power. Cade and I are equal in this moment and oh yeah, man, his mouth is sweet against mine and he has such a great body--I mean, have you seen that chest? In my fantasy--and it's such a good thing that I can type one-handed--those rippled abs of his wind up sticky with his own come as I drive him over the edge without even touching his dick. And his muscles tighten around me as he comes and he gasps out, "Love you, Eddie--"
Holy shit! Point one: I just used that word again. Point two: I just had the most intense orgasm of my entire life. Maybe it's true, then. Maybe I do love him. As a man who believes in empirical evidence, it's hard to deny the facts. Must think about this further.
-More later, Eddie