| Fall
Epilogue to the Fall Series
by Tiriel
Rating: PG-13, m/m
Picks up the story a couple of days after "Circle" -a few spoilers here, but this is still in the time beyond what we were shown on the series.
Disclaimer: The characters of this story don't belong to me...they came from the twisted minds of David Lynch and Mark Frost (and I mean that respectfully)-I'll put them back when I'm done. Please don't sue me, all I have are student loans...also, this is not beta'd, errors are entirely my fault.
Okay, so I said that Circle was the last story. Then Dale decided he wanted to have the last word. Sorry, no smut, but I promise the boys are getting plenty busy offscreen.
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Diane, it has now been approximately 48 hours since I regained consciousness after my return from the White Lodge. I must apologize for not updating you sooner. I've been...busy. Diane, you may recall my mentioning certain feelings I was experiencing with regards to Twin Peaks Sheriff Harry Truman, one of the finest local lawmen I have ever had the privilege to encounter. At the time, I believed those feelings to be unrequited. I am pleased--no, I am far beyond pleased--I am overjoyed--an odd word. How can one be *over* joyed? It seems to me that there is not enough joy in this world. But, semantics aside, I am happy to report that I was wrong.
He loves me, Diane. He followed me into the depths of darkness and brought me back. In the two days since our return, he's filled me in on his side of the story. The human body does have limits, after all, so we have spent a little bit of time talking.
The more I think about it, the more it amazes me. Harry is so grounded, so down-to-earth. When I think of what it must have taken for him to offer himself as a host for Mike...I am overcome by emotion. He did that for me. Ah, he's waking up. Excuse me, Diane, I think I'm going to go express my appreciation. Again. I will continue this narrative at a later time.
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Diane, it has been, *ahem* a few hours now since I interrupted my narrative. I find that I have lost track of what I was saying earlier, so I'll just start over.
You are, no doubt, aware that my pursuit of Windom Earle eventually took me into the mystical place of evil known as the Black Lodge. While there, I faced demons. Both the kind that have an actual existence on that plane, and the kind that exist only in the human soul. My guilt, the very thing that drove me to do better, was my undoing. The physical wound I sustained in Pittsburgh even came back while I was there. The corresponding wound on my soul was my weakness. I believed--I suppose I still do, really, that I could have done more--that I could have saved Caroline. My fear that I couldn't save Annie, that I would experience the same failure again, was rooted in that guilt. I failed Caroline. I feared that I would fail Annie. What was it that Hawk said about imperfect courage?
Whatever the reason, I came back from the Black Lodge as the new host for Bob. I could feel him in me, see what he was doing. I fought him at first. I was so angry at being inhabited. It felt unfair. I was supposed to be living happily ever after. The hero isn't supposed to face the ultimate test and fail.
I was so pleased, so proud, when Harry figured it out. First that clever plan with Denise when I was held hostage by Jean Renault, then this. Harry is really becoming quite resourceful. It made Bob angry. When I regained consciousness, Harry had already offered himself as a new host for the spirit known as Mike. With his help, we were entering the White Lodge. That made Bob furious. I was just sad. I believed, I was so convinced that Harry loved only Josie.
I told Josie the day she died that she owned Harry's heart. I still believed it to be true. When Bob tried to convince Mike to join him again, tried to convince Harry, I must admit that the idea was not as horrifying to me as it should have been. Bob found Josie in my mind, the one thing that I thought would be Harry's weakness. At that moment, I didn't care how, I just wanted to be with Harry always. For just that instant, I was wholly Bob's.
Then Harry amazed me again. Josie didn't tempt him at all. But I did. He wanted to be with me, too. He had let himself fall for me. When he told me he loved me, I found the strength to fight harder than I ever had. Then Mike invited Bob to join him, and he was gone. I believe that Bob was a creature of need, of "appetite," as Mike once described it. I somehow feel certain that, for now at least, his hunger is satisfied by having a companion who truly wants to be with him.
So Harry's love for me brought me back from darkness. I will remember that moment always, the two of us, only ourselves again, standing face-to-face in the White Lodge, the moment when I understood for the first time that he truly loves me. And he did all that for me believing that I would belong to Annie. What a gift. How pure, how precious that was, I can't begin to describe.
What can I say for myself? I genuinely believed that Josie was the only one in his heart. I believed that the discomfort on his face when I talked about my growing feelings for Annie was a reflection of his loss. I didn't think that he loved me. I'm glad I was wrong. As for the cause of that particular lapse in my observational skills, I can only point to my preoccupation with the Windom Earle matter. Not much of an excuse, I know.
So, back to that beautiful moment in the White Lodge. I knew then that I wanted nothing more than to spend every day showing Harry how much I did love him. That began for me with that kiss. But I didn't get the chance to make that clear to him before we lost consciousness.
When I woke up alone, I was afraid that I had lost him. I was relieved to discover that he hadn't gotten any further than the hallway. He looked so sorry for me when he gave me Annie's letter, and so bewildered when I already knew what it was. I find Harry so...endearing when he's bewildered. So I brought him back to bed, and there we've been ever since. As for Annie, I will always have a special place in my heart for her, but she and I live in different worlds. Harry and I live in the same world. We fight the same fight. And, Diane, it seems I won't need to buy land here after all. But I am settling here. I'll have to leave to work cases, of course, but this is home to me now. This is the place I'll come back to every time.
I do wonder what Mike and Laura meant about seeing me in 25 years. Perhaps that's when I will have to face the Black Lodge again. Regardless of what happens at the end of those 25 years, I intend to enjoy every minute of them.
This is Special Agent Dale Cooper, at the Great Northern Hotel in Twin Peaks, Washington, signing off.
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Diane, an addendum. Room service is truly one of the greatest inventions of modern man. Don't worry if you don't hear from me for several days. I'm in good hands.
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THE END
You should know the drill by now. Feedback, please.
Tiriel
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