A Twin Peaks Glossary

A
TWIN PEAKS
Glossary
or
Agent Cooper's Guide to Peaking

(In Lynchian Order )

Red - The overall color of the show. Curtains, surreal streetlights swaying in breezes.

Pie -The main staple of the Twin Peaks diet. Cherry, huckleberry, and chocolate/ peanut butter; take your pick. Damned fine

Coffee - Best when hot -- damn hot. Fine when black, but fish-flavored is right out. Always treat yourself to a cup of Joe.

Donuts - Found in rows on long tables, paired off by species: raised, cake, cinnamon, glazed, dipped, sprinkled, chocolate, powdered, and the ever-popular jelly. Minah blood is optional.

Ducks - Alien to D.C.-based FBI agents who drink too much java and need insulin shots after breakfast at the Twin Peaks Sheriff Department.

Douglas Fir - Also alien to D.C.-based FBI agents.

Snowshoe Rabbits - Not to be confused with jack rabbits.

Chocolate Bunnies - Not to be confused with snowshoe rabbits.

"J" - A prominent letter; the largest section in the Twin Peaks telephone directory, and the most popular monogram letter for towels.

Tibet - A cold place just above India. What everyone must know about prior to an investigation.

Brown Telephone - The one on the table. Against the wall. Next to the red chair [see "red" above].

Diary - Secret or otherwise, that girl was warped.

Diane - A mini tape recorder, constant companion of Special Agent Dale Cooper.

Domino - A puzzling theory.

Log - Very observant, but unwilling to share views. Does not judge.

One-Eyed Jack's - A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to work there.

Secrets - Laura was full of them. But then, so's the whole town.

Coconut - A hiding place for cassettes and necklaces.

Fish - Not to be put in coffee.

The Great Northern - Temporary residence of rowdy Icelanders. Employs room service attendants that are too old and senile to notice a man bleeding to death on the floor. Has many secret passageways, particularly one with a convenient observation knothole.

Little Man From Another Place - The Fred Astaire of Agent Cooper's dreams.

Badge - What Agent Cooper never showed when he arrived at Twin Peaks.

Packard Mill - A pile of burnt timber.

The Double R - Where pies go when they die.

Silent Drape Runners - The patent was already taken so this couple started a boarding house for wayward boys...Under The Stairs.

Fleshworld - A pornographic periodical of which particular issues keep popping up in the most peculiar of places.

Poker Chip - Not to be taken on an empty stomach.

BOB - Bad news.

Laura Palmer - Found wrapped in plastic on lake shore. Homecoming queen and kinky cocaine addict. The reason for TWIN PEAKS.

Owls - They're not what they seem. (but then who was on this show?)

Giant - Can't seem to get through to Cooper, but he keeps trying. Finally got a job assisting Luaxana Troy...another person who won't listen.

Josie Packard - No good, two-timing, lying little slut. But she makes a very nice nightstand.

Sheriff Harry S Truman - His parents had a sense of humor when they named him. Oblivious to the kinky stuff happening in his own town. Thinks with the little head instead of the big head, where Josie is concerned.

Deputy Hawk - Always stands with arms folded over chest. Speaks in wise proverbs and Indian riddles. (At least he never said "Ug!") Stereotyped, true - but what a babe, Kimo Sabe!

Deputy Andy - Cries on command. Dances like a midget when hit in head with loose board. A little slow on the general uptake. Posesses supersperms.

Albert Rosenfield - Pathologist with a razor-blade tongue. Studied Ghandi and King. In love with Harry Truman. Stunned by displays of intelligence. Color him amazed.

Major Briggs - Hangar 18 reject. A real space case. (Addendum: Went on to father FBI Special Agent Dana Scully, and to lead Stargate Command -- possibly because he comes with his own uniform.)

Leo Johnson - Graduated with honors from the Beat Your Wife With Soap-in-a-Sock school. Present whipping boy of Windom Earle. New shoes!

Nadine - The Bionic Woman meets Gidget.

Audrey Horne - She's bad. No, she's good. No -- wait -- she's bad. No -- now she's good. And she's no longer a virgin.

Donna Hayward - Very possibly Audrey's half sister. Suspicious of her boyfriend's involvement with Maddie. Suspicious of her mother's dealings with Ben Horne. Let's face it, she's suspicious of everything.

Sunglasses - Anyone who wears them gets the sudden urge to be bad.

James Hurley - Overdramatic James Dean wannabe.

Meals on Wheels - Leo Johnson during his coma.

Denise Brycen - A transvestite who still puts his/her panties on one leg at a time...if you know what I mean. [Addendum: Still with the agency under the name "Fox Mulder."]

Windom Earle - A man of many faces, talents, and wardrobes. Leo Johnson's karma.

Pine Weasel - A local endangered species, fond of noses, and cared for by a man named Squiggy.

Chess - Windom Earle's idea of playing "head games."

Dr. Jacoby - A man in desperate need of a shrink. Fond of Polynesians. Looks at the world through 3-D glasses. Encourages most of the madness in Twin Peaks.

Leland Palmer - Last known residence of BOB. Invented a new style of dance. Coffin-humper and incestuous child molester. Crooner. Beat his own brains out in the Twin Peaks jail.

Plastic - BOB's favorite form of Reynold's Wrap.

Black Lodge - A frat that Windom Earle is trying to pledge. BOB's digs.

White Lodge - The Great Northern for spacemen. Never found before series was cancelled. Door to which is located behind the falls.

Project Blue Book - Project Blue Book? What's Project Blue Book? That was terminated back in the 70's. Honest! [Addendum: Reference Fox Mulder.]

Miss Twin Peaks - The winner will lose her head when she's crowned.

Civil War - Ben Horne will rise again.

Annie - A good way to ruin a slasher's fantasies. How is she, by the way?

Lana - A lethal weapon to octegenarians. A man-magnet. The bane of Lucy's existence.

Richard Beauregard, Men's Apparel - Dick.

Agent Dale Cooper - The reason the series made it as far as it did.

The End

Tam

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